"For decades I have been trying to come up with an ideal way to slice a banana. "Use a knife!" they say. Well...my parole officer won't allow me to be around knives. "Shoot it with a gun!" Background check...HELLO! I had to resort to carefully attempt to slice those bananas with my bare hands. 99.9% of the time, I would get so frustrated that I just ended up squishing the fruit in my hands and throwing it against the wall in anger. Then, after a fit of banana-induced rage, my parole officer introduced me to this kitchen marvel and my life was changed. No longer consumed by seething anger and animosity towards thick-skinned yellow fruit, I was able to concentrate on my love of theatre and am writing a musical play about two lovers from rival gangs that just try to make it in the world. I think I'll call it South Side Story."
"If you are ever worried about having to go back to the tedious chore of slicing bananas with a knife, fear no more! The Hutzler 571 banana slicer will never fail you, even in a power outage! If you are worried that your sliced banana presentation is sloppy, this is the tool for you- uniform slices every time! Although it tends to sit idle more often that not, it gives the ambiance of my junk drawer a certain "je ne sais quoi" that's essential for a junk drawer that will impress everyone. It doubles as a cat scratcher, so I'm never worried about how much I paid, since it does double-duty and earns it's investment back in no time! Glad I purchased the Hutzler 571- you can't go wrong with this little tool!"
"This slicer is the best! For years my household would draw lots as to who would have to slice the banana. More than once this lead to lots of blood and a trip to the emergency room. Now we don't have to worry about loosing a finger or an occasional body part. Slicing bananas no longer resembles a scene from the Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Thank you Huzler 571! If only we'd found this product sooner my wife would be able to wear her wedding band on the correct finger and junior wouldn't be known as "3 finger Jack". Better late than never I say!"
"Couldn’t live without this I don’t eat bananas but now I can slice them."
"Ive always wondered how to get that professional restaurant quality slice. Now i can ! No more paying for those expensively sliced fruits- i can just stay at home. Considering selling banana slices to my neighbors now for active & passive income !"
"Well, although the Hutzler 571 banana slicer did not save my marriage as it did in others experiences, I am pleased with the product. It slices a banana like a dream. When I got divorced, I lost the slicer to my ex. So much time has been wasted slicing bananas. But tonight? Tonight I got it back. I waltzed into my ex husband's house and took back what was rightfully mine! I'm looking forward to a new life. Me and my Hutzler 571 Banana Slicer!"
"I might have never knew my meaning of life without Bananas. I can't afford sharp knives so using a blunt one is a plague for any banana enthusiasts. I would wish for something to cut bananas from my family, but my family was too poor to afford such luxuries. I would go to countless bars to forget the constant pain of not being able to cut the yellow fruit. It even got to the point where my sister wouldn't bring her children to our family's Thanksgiving events because the children were to scared of my banana induced rage. My wife would always put up with my banana depression and left me; 14 years married and she had put up with everything. My will to even get out of bed had affected my life. "If only I could cut my Bananas!" I would yell in the streets."
"The undercoating was loose and the rivets incorrectly sized but the legs were at least......oh wait. Wrong product. My bad. The banana slicer is a work of art, the curves well formed and pleasing to the eye, colorful but not distracting or gaudy, creates a sense of carefree whimsy in the room. We have it hanging above the couch to give our home that bit of added class. I understand it also cuts bananas or something?"